Delirium
by psychedelic aya
Summary: Sasuke/Sakura, slightly AU. Sakura's first kill is neither when she is twelve, nor when she is fifteen. It is somewhere in between. Sasuke knows this, and he tries to be proud. Tries.


**Authoress' Notes:** I realize I haven't posted anything in fanfiction-dot-net for quite some time, and shame on me, as this post isn't even something new. I wrote this ages ago and posted it for the _Simply Love_ SasuSaku writing slash art contest which I do not think I will win. Wakekeke. Ohwell. Either way, for those who do not know of the forums' existence, I am also posting it here. So, enjoy. And beware the non-existent (yes very non-existent indeed) angst. Tee hee. XD

**Disclaimer:** Per usual, it serves its purpose to disclaim. I disclaim. Whoo.

---

**Delirium**  
_by psychedelic aya_

The blood is raw in her hands. It is red, so painfully red, and she feels tainted and _dirty_ as it splatters all over her—(and so what if it's not noticeable in her dress?)

The kunai is frozen in her hands. It is cold, so painfully cold, and she feels like it is cold enough to be able to burn her.

"Sakura!"

Someone is screaming her name, and at the back of her mind she registers the voice as something akin to familiar. It is a male voice, deep and resounding and somehow she thinks it should be meaningful.

"Sakura-chan!"

She thinks it should matter.

"Sakura."

She finds it odd that she cannot recognize her own teammate's voices. It is like they are there, but they are not. Then again, everything else is a blur to her vision except for the blood, the kunai, and the ninja in front of her.

He is holding his own kunai and he is also splattered in blood. For a split-second, Sakura wonders if he is also distracted by everything and nothing else.

He is poised to attack her.

(He is old and has spent most of his ninja life killing. He is ready.)

She believes she is supposed to kill him.

(She is young and has spent most her ninja life saving. She was never ready.)

She cannot move again—somehow she has reverted back to that twelve year old newbie ninja again, with long hair and an innocent smile—uncaring about the world of death and of pain and of torture. Ignoring the life that goes as a play of kill or be killed.

But Sakura cannot kill.

_How weak_, she can almost hear her own alter-ego's taunts, scoffing and insulting her because she refuses to kill for her job--instead insisting on doing what's morally right.

_Well,_ And there is the knowledge of an older girl in her tone, _What's wrong with that?_

Inner Sakura isn't taunting her, she knows. Inner Sakura is trying; but she can't.

_Get a grip_, Inner Sakura encourages instead, and Sakura would very much like to reply in a sarcastic manner with the words: "On what? The kunai?" Because she already has a pretty good grip on the kunai; it was secure in her hands and could be readied to slash. Or puncture. Or stab. Or cut. Or…

Inner Sakura thinks morbidly. Sakura groans. She can't do any of that.

_Will I die here?_

Her teammates are no where to be seen, now. (And were they even really here?) She cannot hear their voices or sense them like she used to—when she knew at moments like this Naruto and Kakashi would be by her in a second and Sasuke would've killed the enemy without another thought.

(No hesitation at all.)

"Sakura!"

"Sakura-chan!"

"Sakura."

Maybe she is only having delusions. Maybe the raw churning in her stomach is a delusion, too—but she doubts this because as she dodges the enemy's attacks she feels it grow stronger (and it is terribly relentlessly painful)—along with her heart falling and her head spinning and her vision fading to a bright white light—

(_No hesitation..._)

Sakura raises the kunai and screams.

---

Sasuke finds their lost third teammate hours later.

He nearly growls as he finds her, because he has been looking for hours and hours and hours on end and it was insanely grating. The three men of Team 7 went into total panic when Naruto pointed out that Sakura wasn't behind them anymore, ever since that small skirmish with some lost Rain nin.

Small skirmish; amenins strong enough to be defeated by a talented genin, only about three to five in number. Or, at least, so they thought.

When the dozens of Rain nin came out from their hiding place and they still had no sight of Sakura whatsoever, Sasuke thought they would have to look for a dead body when this was all over. He voiced that thought out, (but it was only meant to be heard by him, of course.)

Naruto gave him a good (and damn painful) punch when he overheard.

_Damn fox ears._

Sasuke's jaw is still hurting.

This does nothing good to his mood, of course. If anything, he is further annoyed, and he wonders whether he should take it out on Sakura. (Because technically, it is her fault anyway—)

"Sakura." He calls out, not bothering to be gentle even though he sees her bloodied state. (It should be normal, he thinks. _We are shinobi._) He is near enough to see how dirty she is.

He is still too far to see how badly she is shaken up.

She doesn't reply. She is leaning on an oak tree, and she is shivering and the tears come out of her eyes of their own accord. She has a kunai in her hand—it is grimy and unclean—tainted with the smell of iron and dried blood, dripping and dripping and _dripping_ to the scarred fertile earth. Her grip on it is something akin to desperate—akin to something so frantically insane—she is shivering and and she is weeping, and her body is as stiff as the tree she is leaning on. (Her heart is throbbing and her muscles are weeping—) Her skin is scratched and her hair is disheveled and her lips are chapped and her clothes are torn and yet Sasuke—supposedly ever observant Sasuke, is playing blind.

He notices everything of her appearance when he decides to go closer. He notices everything, yet at the same time he doesn't.

He sees that her eyes are wide open.

He doesn't see that their senses are shut.

He tries to look unaffected. With a half-meant scowl and glare, "You've caused enough trouble already." Sasuke says, and wants to add a connotation of _weakling_ but doesn't. (And maybe he cares but refuses to acknowledge it—)

She doesn't reply—there is only a choked sound of sobbing and the feeling of intense (too intense) paranoia.

Sasuke begins to get frustrated. He ignores her, opting to scan the surroundings instead of staring into her scarred eyes.

There are at least a dozen bodies of Rain nin scattered on the forest nearby. His Sharingan is on and he identifies none of them to be defeated by either him, Naruto, or Kakashi.

Besides, all of them are alive.

At least, that's what Sasuke thinks. And when he turns to stare at Sakura disbelievingly (_how the hell could you leave the enemy alive?_) he sees what is by her shivering feet.

(_Eleven alive and one…_)

He couldn't even say dead. A better term would be mutilated.

"Sakura," And he is nearly saddened by her state when he realizes what has happened. The Rain mukenin (probably their leader, no less) had been stabbed several times by a kunai, sluggishly, ungracefully, unmercifully. His face—(one eyeball is bulging out of its socket and his nose is crooked and his lips are cut in half and one ear is lying lazily on the floor—his neck has a hole in it—and there is blood, too much blood, way too much—and it is all over. All over everything and nothing and _her_.)

The sight is as gruesome as hell.

Sasuke sees how Sakura's half-lidded eyelids, puffy from crying, avoid the horrid scene she caused. Her breathing is erratic and her eyes are distressed as they dart around everywhere; and as her sight passes by his feet he vaguely wonders if she notices he is there.

(She does, and at the same time she doesn't.)

He ponders to himself if maybe he feels pity for her. He knows, though, that he is proud—(even just a little.)

_Proud for a first kill—_

Sasuke turns off his Sharingan and kicks the deady body away.

_What kind of logic is that…?_

He kneels next to her. He is unsure of what to do; his hands are nervous when they lay themselves on her shoulder.

"Sakura…"

She doesn't hear him.

(Sasuke thinks maybe he should just leave her alone to mope--_some things are best dealt with alone,_ of course, as his philosphy goes; but his jaw still hurts. Somehow, this reminds him that he should care.)

"Sakura."

(Then again, he thinks, he doesn't need reminding. He knows.)

He knows very well.

_Right?_

Sasuke doesn't argue when Sakura suddenly jumps into his arms and holds on tight.

**.//FINI -** _013106_

---

**Authoress' Notes:** Not much for authoress' notes, I guess. x.x dies I made this one, but I'm not sure whether to be proud of it or not... gets shot Ohwell. I made this for the contest at the _Simply Love_ forums quite some ages ago. Why do I only post it now? Ah, who knows. XD

Either way, I hope you liked.

And indeed, I tried to make it as in-character as possible. (I wonder, did I succeed?)

(And yes of course these notes are the same as they always are in the ones at Simply Love. I'm born lazy that way.)

Smile. Jesus loves you!


End file.
